youre lurking in front of me
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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