you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I did not marry a roomba.
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