my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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