all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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