i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
