Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
