Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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