dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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