I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
