they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
