just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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