Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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