You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
