just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
