I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
