I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just high enough for therapy.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
