My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
