i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
