They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize