its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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