with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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