I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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