is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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