Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
