my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
