Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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