i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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