That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
