she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
it glows. i had to have it.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
