Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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