His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
