you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
