:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
