You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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