Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
