I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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