If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
