If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
