he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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