I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
