So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
