So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize