420 ftw
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
