And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
