omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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