somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize