I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
