I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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