i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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