i jhust puked up my retainher.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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