He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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