come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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