I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
