the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
