The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize