I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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