I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
