i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
