The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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