coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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