if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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