Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
