just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
