It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
