I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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