hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
